Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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