dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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