we have officially lost it.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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