Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
