Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
