would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
