I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
