I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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