Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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