just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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