'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
