u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
