just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
