umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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