I can tuck mytits in my pants
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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