barbara walters just said penis...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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