hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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