I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
