Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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