Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
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JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
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Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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