There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
