Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
