took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Randomize
