Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
