i think my tv is drunk
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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