Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
