I could have mohawked her pubes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
