yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
