I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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