are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
