Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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