I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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