Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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