we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
