I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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