News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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