Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I supernannyed him into submission
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
