yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
