either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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