I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
