We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize