he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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