you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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