Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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