If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
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Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
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Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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