so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
