So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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