I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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