a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
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i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
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I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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