My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
a search helicopter?!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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