my shit smells like andre
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
