I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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