so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
do herpes really smell.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
