You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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