My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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