you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
well you can't waste a boner
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
