I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
