Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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